Sometimes the world feels like it’s an incredibly dark and treacherous terrain, set out in such a way that we are frequently snared or scratched on sharp protrusions of events as we pass.
Anyone that hasn’t spent time on a forum or in some form of ‘community’ setting online may not fully understand why news of an online friend passing away is upsetting, but those of you who have should know how completely you can form those bonds of friendship without ever knowing what that person looks like.
Today, I found out that my friend of over 2 years, who had been suffering for a very long time from various illnesses, had passed away after a period of time in hospital for a chest infection. She died of pneumonia.
This individual was such a beautiful character, so warm and welcoming. Easy to talk to and loved to listen to others. She loathed to moan about her own illness, preferring to focus on other people’s lives. If you asked her directly how she was getting on, she’d dance around the question so that you’d get just enough to answer your question and ease your concerns, but never any details. You were never truly aware of just how serious her condition was. That is, until she passed away.
I am now told that her illness really was a case of ‘it’s just a matter of time’ rather than her actually getting better. She had ‘good’ days, but an awful lot of painful and uncomfortable days since she was frequently having surgery and other treatments that seemed to cause her more discomfort. But, as I say, we were never given details. A lot of this was inferred before she’d swiftly move onto another topic.
And so young! Born April 1991. How fragile life is. I am repeatedly reminded that life truly is short and could take any one of us at any time, and it’s often the most sweetest and kindest natures that are taken from this world. How is that fair? Paedophiles, murderers, abusers, criminals seem to just keep going on and on like a duracel battery. But these lovely, warm individuals are snatched from the earth before they’ve really had chance to live.
I know some people will argue that they are God’s creatures and are fit for some other purpose, but these are not my beliefs. Life is full of chaos, pain and suffering for no purpose other than for us to learn that life needs to be made the most of for we only have one. There is no selection process, the good may be taken just as surely as the bad, though we notice their loss and their suffering more than we would the ‘bad’.
And I feel the loss. A young woman I have only ever spoken to online has managed to make such a strong impression of goodness that she has imprinted on my life and on my memories, a person that will not be forgotten just as people from my past who have died will still be remembered.
It brings it all home how much we take for granted. Just little things really like a conversation you wish you’d had, or something you should have done… it really makes no difference now to them but you wish that it was something you’d done all the same.
I guess that’s my moral this time around: If there’s something you want to do, something you want to say, or someone you don’t want to lose touch with – make sure you do something about it now. Don’t wait for tomorrows, because you just don’t know what tomorrow has in store for any of us.